[Dragaera] An observation from the LJ comments about names

[Jerry Friedman]

--- Damien Sullivan <phoenix at ugcs.caltech.edu> wrote:

> On Sat, Aug 26, 2006 at 11:31:32AM -0700, Davdi Silverrock wrote:
> > On 8/26/06, Damien Sullivan <phoenix at ugcs.caltech.edu> wrote:
> 
> > > Hrmph.  I read it last night and was entertained, but I also noticed
> the
> > > name inconsistency.

Something with Triesco?

(more below)

> > > I think I also saw a conversation which fell
> out of
> > > phase.  One of those extended exchanges of one-liners, without ",
> said
> > > X", where if you look at the content the sequence of speakers is
> > >
> > > A
> > > B
> > > A
> > > B
> > > A
> > > A
> > > B
> > > A
> > >
> > > instead of a regular ABABABA.  I think I've seen such glitches in
> other
> > > books as well.
> 
> > While I think that I too have seen this, and was mildly confused at
> > first, I am not sure how else it could be dealt with stylistically.
> > That is, the two sequential speakings are two different lines of
> > thought.  One speech closes out the conversation, the next paragraph
> > opens a new dialogue.  I think.  I'll have to check back in the text
> 
> I'm not complaining because it can be confusing to the reader.  My
> complaint is that the author or setter messes up, and you get two lines
> in a row from the same speaker.  It's not that a new big paragraph is
> opening up, more like
> 
> "foo"
> "Bar"
> "baz"
> "oh"
> "so, how was lunch"
> "good"
> 
> Where "oh" and "how was lunch" are from the same speaker.
> 
> Yeah, it'd be better if I could find the actual example again.
> 
> > The line where (avoiding spoilers) the sentence abruptly changes
> > midway without a break emphasizes the urgency and importance of the
> > interruption.  So I think that worked, at least for me (again, after a

Where was that?  Unless you mean desserts, I think I missed it, or I
figured it out and didn't see it as a problem.
 
> I had no problem with that.  But that's not the same thing.  Mine is
> what should be two lines being two separate lines, making it confusing
> as to *who is speaking*.

Rassum frassum frickin frackin laptop.  I apologize if this comes through
twice--but this is the second time I've typed it.  Is the following what
you're thinking of?  Ch. 13, p. 231.

[Vlad] "Well, what happens when you send your forces against a particular
part of the enemy's lines?"

[Kragar] "Vlad, have you been hanging out with Sethra?"

[V] "Okay, sorry.  Anyway, because Terion has gotten involved in South
Adrilankha.  It's become a battleground."

[?] "Yes, you mentioned one other was involved.  The one I'm supposed to
find out about."

[K] "How do I find you, once I know?"

[V] "Good question.  There's a shoemaker named Jakoub.  Leave a note with
him."

It looks very much as if at least one line got deleted, maybe three.  Also
as if the period after "South Adrilankha" should have been a comma,
followed by a lower-case "it's".

Speaking of copyediting, here are a few problems I noticed while I was
looking for that.

p. 220, fifth long paragraph, "differentially" should be "deferentially".

p. 228, end of first full paragraph, there's an extra left quotation mark.

p. 236, fourth paragraph after the cute little doohickmo, "Now is when you
reassure me you aren't joking."  Loiosh means "are", not "aren't".

p. 243, seventh paragraph should be in italics.

I think there was an extra word in a sentence somewhere in this part of
the book, but I couldn't find it again.

Terry, Terry, Terry.  I know it's entertaining, but....  (And to think her
trilogy, which I like, is absolutely free of typos.)

To Steve or your assistant: I hereby offer to copyedit your next book
(that's not based on a TV series I've never seen) absolutely free,
provided it's already been copyedited by a professional at the usual rates
(so I wouldn't taking bread from Terry McGarry's mouth--we knew each other
in college).  It wouldn't take me much time to make some significant
improvements.  I'm sure there are other members of this list who would
make the same offer.  If you're interested in having me do it, please
e-mail me at this address and we can discuss how reasonable I'd be about
avoiding pedantry, staying away from things that are off limits, etc.

Jerry Friedman

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