[Dragaera] Giddy T-shirt par-ergon

[Davdi Silverrock]

On Jan 12, 2008 5:13 PM, Philip Hart wrote:

> I don't like "destruction and transformation of the city and its environs
> into the Lesser Sea of Chaos" though - the lack of parallelism for the
> verbs wrt "into" is jarring.  Maybe "destruction of the city and its
> environs and their transformation into the Lesser Sea of Chaos".
>

Excellent point.  Clarity is crucial.  Or as the noble C. Sophronia
Cleebers has put it: "You have to be orderly when you pile up that
many clauses at once; otherwise they'll fall over."

Revision Mk 12 (how about the "two words" at the end?):

My esteemed mother and father, in search of diversion from their
diminishing duties and mounting cares, traveled to Dragaera City and
sojourned there at no small expense (enjoying tolerably fine meals and
wines), just at that crucial point in our history when riots and
uprisings inflamed the city and the conflict between the Dragon Heir
Lord Adron e'Kieron and the Phoenix Emperor Tortaalik erupted into
open rebellion, culminating in the destruction of the city and its
environs and their transformation into the Lesser Sea of Chaos, and
while I am indeed glad that my parents had the good fortune to escape
the Disaster with their lives, all that I had the honor to receive as
a token of their adventure was this very garment that you see before
you, and which, you perceive, is made of cheap, lightweight fabric --
a mere buttonless, collarless, short-sleeved shirt.
 --  Two words from a certain Gentleman of the House of the Hawk.


Um. I noticed that Cafepress has *long* sleeved T-shirts as well.
Should I reword that final phrase?