[Dragaera] Striving towards Paarfiction...

[Davdi Silverrock]

On Jan 15, 2008 4:37 PM, Rick Castello wrote:
>

[snip a bunch]

>
> My esteemed parents traveled to Dragaera City, enjoying the city's tolerably
> fine meals and entertainments at no small expense but with unfortunate timing,
> for they visited during that crucial time when the conflict between Lord Adron
> e'Kieron and Emperor Tortaalik erupted into open rebellion and culminated in
> the Disaster - an explosion of raw amorphia that transformed the city and its
> environs into the Lesser Sea of Chaos.  While I am indeed glad that they escaped
> with their lives, the only token of my parents' adventure that I had the honor
> of receiving was this plain and simple shirt.
>  --  Two words from a certain Gentleman of the House of the Hawk.
>
>
>      8.5 lines, 5.5 lines saved, more trimmings.
>
>      While I realize that the original goal was to emulate the splendidly
>      wordy Paarfi, I fairly think that the above revisions still contain
>      a tolerably good number of words, and perhaps may fit on shirts in
>      more readable fashion, while retaining the overall thrust of the joke.
>
>      Thoughts?
>

I frown upon the phrasing that refers to the Disaster and then defines it.

Besides, my revision below is not only shorter, it is also exactly 100
words long, and is therefore a drabble.  So.


Rev Mk 19.ZZpluralZAlpha:

My esteemed mother and father traveled to Dragaera City for a holiday
just at that crucial period in our history when the conflict between
Lord Adron e'Kieron and the Emperor erupted into open rebellion,
culminating in the explosion of raw amorphia that transformed the city
and its environs into the Lesser Sea of Chaos.  While my parents had
the good fortune to escape the Disaster with their lives, you perceive
that the only token of their adventure I had the honor to receive was
this plain shirt.
 --  Two words from a certain Gentleman of the House of the Hawk.