[Dragaera] Almost Paarfict?

[Rick Castello]

On Thu, January 17, 2008 7:54 am, Davdi Silverrock wrote:
> Since I myself, after looking at it and thinking on it, found the
> phrase "torso-shaped" to be imPaarfict, I performed one more
> adjectivectomy.
>
>
> Revision Mk. 25:
>
> My esteemed mother and father traveled to Dragaera City for a holiday,
> enjoying the city's tolerably fine meals and expensive entertainments,
> but the unfortunate timing of their sojourn led to its interruption by
> the riots and uprisings in the city preceding that crucial point in
> our history when the conflict between the Dragon Heir Lord Adron
> e'Kieron and the Phoenix Emperor Tortaalik erupted into open
> rebellion, culminating in the explosion of raw amorphia that
> transformed the city and its environs into the Lesser Sea of Chaos;
> and while I am indeed glad that my parents had the good fortune to
> escape the Disaster with their lives, they pretended that due to the
> haste of their departure from the city, the only token of their
> adventure they could do me the honor of presenting to me was this
> unremarkable garment of sadly cheap and common fabric you now see
> before you, which, you perceive, is merely some sort of shirt.
>  --  Two words from a certain Gentleman of the House of the Hawk.
>
> As ever: Comments?  Does it have wit, snark and punch?
> I suspect that Dr. Whom may well recommend punctuation changes, but I
> think the wording is tolerably suitable.

     Better, but same comment as before... too long, even for Paarfi.

     Consider our source:
     "My parents went to neat place and all I got was this lousy t-shirt"

     In many ways, the "punch" of a phrase or bit comes from squeezing
     power into conciseness.  Obviously, Paarfi wouldn't be concise,
     but the concept of refining and focusing maximal strength of humor
     in the bit is still useful.

     I find the shorter versions of earlier to be much more amusing,
     while still getting the Paarfi across.

     My own two words, your mileage may vary.

     -Rick