[Dragaera] Gift Shop

[Frank Mayhar]

On Tue, 2008-01-08 at 21:05 -0800, Davdi Silverrock wrote:
> On 1/8/08, Davdi Silverrock  wrote:
> > Submitted for your consideration:
> >
> &c.
> >
> 
> I think I've figured out (part of) what's bothering me: that final
> clause looks a bit weak.  And not brief enough.
> 
> Take 2:
> 
> [...] was this very shirt which you see before you, which as can
> plainly be seen, is made of cheap, lightweight fabric, and has
> truncated sleeves.

Try

It so chanced to transpire that my beloved and honourable parents
holidayed in Dragaera City at that cusp of History when the conflict
between Lord Adron e'Kieron and the Emperor Tortaalik climaxed in said
city and its environs being dissolved and transformed into the Lesser
Sea of Chaos, and while my parents were indeed enormously fortunate in
escaping the Disaster with their lives, they were able to procure for me
as a memento of their visit to the doomed city only this very garment
you see before you, which is, as can be plainly seen, of the
truncated-sleeve variety, made of a sadly cheap and lightweight fabric.

A little better, I dare to think?
-- 
Frank Mayhar frank at exit.com     http://www.exit.com/
Exit Consulting                 http://www.gpsclock.com/
                                http://www.exit.com/blog/frank/
                                http://www.zazzle.com/fmayhar*