[Dragaera] Giddy T-shirt par-ergon

[Bryan Newell]

> Mk 13 (This is sleeve-length-neutral; does it have a sufficiency of
> punch?):
>
> My esteemed mother and father, in search of diversion from their
> diminishing duties and mounting cares, traveled to Dragaera City
> and sojourned there at no small expense (enjoying tolerably fine
> meals and wines), just at that crucial point in our history when
> riots and uprisings inflamed the city, and the conflict between
> the Dragon Heir Lord Adron e'Kieron and the Phoenix Emperor
> Tortaalik erupted into open rebellion, culminating in the
> destruction of the city and its environs and their
> transformation into the Lesser Sea of Chaos, and while I am indeed
> glad that my parents had the good fortune to escape the Disaster
> with their lives, all that I had the honor to receive as a token
> of their adventure was this very garment that you see before you,
> and which, you perceive, is made of cheap, common, lightweight
> fabric -- this buttonless, collarless, cruciform shirt.
> --  Two words from a certain Gentleman of the House of the Hawk.

Instead of having them both travel /and/ sojourn, how about using one or the
other ("traveled to DC at no small expense" or "sojourned in DC at no small
expense")?

You could eliminate another /and/ by dropping "riots and uprisings inflamed
the city, and."  I think the riots and uprisings somewhat pale in comparison
to the Disaster, anyway, as far as being an event noteworthy of survival.

Another /and/ could be removed by rewording the destruction of the City to
"culminating in the transformation of the city and its environs into the
Lesser Sea of Chaos."  Surely transformation into a sea of chaos implies
destruction.

Also, wouldn't Paarfi refer to him as "Tortaalik I" (see the first sentence
of /TPG/)?  It has always amused me (since it appears he is the only
Tortaalik), but perhaps you all disagree, or it is not worth the extra
character.

I also agree with Max that that last bit has too many adjectives (six of the
last nine words, no less).

Bryan