[Dragaera] Giddy T-shirt par-ergon

[Mark A. Mandel]

More suggested tweaks: 
delete the "and" before "which, you perceive"change the semicolon before "a shapeless" to a colon (if you don't adopt Davdi's reversion)OMG. I just figured out what that last phrase reminds me of. It's a line from "Johnny, I hardly knew you", which is either the original of "When Johnny comes marching home" or a serious (not-funny) parody. It's depressing, so I've put it down at the bottom.

-- Mark A. Mandel, proprietor, Cracks and Shards
   http://www.cracksandshards.com
   a Steven Brust fan website


----- Original Message ----
From: Maximilian Wilson <wilson.max at gmail.com>
To: Dragaera List <dragaera at dragaera.info>
Sent: Sunday, January 13, 2008 9:36:58 PM
Subject: [Dragaera]  Giddy T-shirt par-ergon


[Grrrr. Reply settings. Sorry for the double post, Davdi.]

On Jan 13, 2008 10:00 AM, Davdi Silverrock <davdisil at gmail.com> wrote:

> Revision Mk 15:
>
> to provide as a token of their adventure was this very garment that
> you see before you, and which, you perceive, is merely a tube of
> common fabric; a shapeless, buttonless, collarless shirt.
>  --  Two words from a certain Gentleman of the House of the Hawk.
>

I still prefer the previous, "this very plain and simple garment that
 you
now behold, and which, you will perceive, is merely a shirt with
 truncated
sleeves made from sadly cheap and lightweight fabric." That description
 just
SCREAMS "T-shirt" to me, with a nice hint of stoic irony. (I
 particularly
like the "sadly.")

However, another ending wouldn't stop me from buying the shirt. The
 artist
may do as he sees fit.


-Max





==================================

Here's the relevant verse in one version (from Anthology of Irish Verse, ed. Padraic Colum, 1922):



“You haven’t an arm and you haven’t a leg,

      Hurroo! hurroo!

You haven’t an arm and you haven’t a leg,

      Hurroo! hurroo!

You haven’t an arm and you haven’t a leg,

You’re an eyeless, noseless, chickenless egg;

You’ll have to be put with a bowl to beg:

  Och, Johnny, I hardly knew ye!







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