[Dragaera] Is less more Paarfict?

[David Dyer-Bennet]

Davdi Silverrock wrote:
> Changing the location of "you perceive", and adding a "nearly".  Two
> revisions this time:
>
> Revision Mk. 26.long:
>
> My esteemed mother and father traveled to Dragaera City for a holiday,
> enjoying the city's tolerably fine meals and expensive entertainments,
> but the unfortunate timing of their sojourn led to its interruption by
> the riots and uprisings in the city preceding that crucial point in
> our history when the conflict between the Dragon Heir Lord Adron
> e'Kieron and the Phoenix Emperor Tortaalik erupted into open
> rebellion, culminating in the explosion of raw amorphia that
> transformed the city and its environs into the Lesser Sea of Chaos;
> and while I am indeed glad that my parents had the good fortune to
> escape the Disaster with their lives, they pretended that due to the
> haste of their departure from the city, the only token of their
> adventure they could do me the honor of presenting to me was, you
> perceive, this nearly unremarkable garment of sadly cheap and common
> fabric you now see before you, which is merely some sort of shirt.
>  --  Two words from a certain Gentleman of the House of the Hawk.
>   

"in the city" could be omitted; at least in the short version.  
Particularly if that allowed something better to be included instead 
:-).  Since they interrupted the sojourn, they must have taken place in 
DC.  And that's very central common culture to any Dragaeran.  (I don't 
think it hurts anything, but since we've needed to create a short 
version I thought it was worth mentioning.)

-- 
David Dyer-Bennet, dd-b at dd-b.net; http://dd-b.net/
Snapshots: http://dd-b.net/dd-b/SnapshotAlbum/data/
Photos: http://dd-b.net/photography/gallery/
Dragaera: http://dragaera.info