[Dragaera] Klava

[Eugene Zaretskiy]

Now, I think I remember klava has been discussed here in the past
(even if I didn't remember it, it would be a reasonable assumption...)
but I can't find any mention of anyone ever trying to actually make
the stuff. Well, my brother and I were just insane enough to try it.

First, he collected eggshells from many breakfasts, washed them in
water, and stored them. We purchased a "sampler" kit of cooking wood
from four different trees, including hickory and cherry. They were
designed for cooking so we figured they'd be the least likely to
poison us (spoiler: we lived). My brother also bought some vanilla
powder from Starbucks. Yeah, nothing fancy there, but we figured that
the vanilla bean was designed to do little but add a vanilla flavor,
and powder should do that just fine.

Somehow we ended up without a copy of Issola when we made the stuff
but by that point I'm pretty sure we memorized the recipe. First, my
brother made regular coffee using a french press. It was some light
roast from Peru, if I recall. Then it was time to set up the filter.
Now, I don't know if any of you know what an AeroPress is, but
basically it's a really, really cool, cheap device to make
high-quality espresso by using manual air pressure to force water
through coffee grounds and a filter. This was perfect for klava
because unlike a regular coffee machine or espresso machine, we can
put whatever we wanted into the filter. In this case, we put a mix of
hickory wood chips and lots of semi-crushed eggshells. And vanilla
powder. Then we used the press to squeeze the already-made-coffee
through the filter. From there it went straight into a kettle and
brought almost to a boil, then passed through a regular coffee filter
instead of cloth (since we had no clean cloth, nothing that wouldn't
absorb all the coffee, anyway).

We weren't expecting much, to be honest, but as posters to this list
mentioned in the past, there is some sound reasoning behind each step.
My mother, who was raised in Belarus, for example, tells me that
passing coffee through a thin cloth was not unheard of when she was
growing up. I remember reading (here?) that eggshells would help to
counter the acidity in the coffee, and the woodchips and vanilla would
accent the taste. Well, my brother and I (as well as one or two
independent observers) can confirm that it does seem to work. We
tested the klava plain first and with milk/honey afterwards (as per
Vlad's preferences). When plain, the coffee lost it's bitterness and,
er, body. All that remained was the taste of the bean itself, the
unique signature taste, and a hickory overtone. At that point it was
very drinkable but not as good as regular black coffee because the
bitterness and acidity adds to the body of coffee and makes it
interesting. The plain klava was boring. Once we added the milk and
honey, we actually got a klava worth drinking. My problem with regular
coffee that has cream/sugar added is that they end up overwpowering
both the bitterness as well as the coffee taste. With klava, you end
up with a milky, sweet drink that still has a very strong bond to the
bean's taste.

We were as surprised as anyone that this actually worked, though its
so complicated and time-consuming to make that it wouldn't be worth it
for common consumption. Also, large drink manufacturers already
mass-manufacture coffee-like drinks with the same idea, like
Starbuck's bottled frappacinos (that are delicious). The way those
drinks are made is by combining a sugary syrup with coffee flavor
added, mixed with milk and water, which creates the same effect (no
oily body, no bitterness). The difference is that honey is simply
better than corn syrup as a sweetener, as well as the ability to
choose your coffee flavor by selecting the bean (and selecting the
honey, for that matter).

Anyway, sorry for the long rant but I figured that if anyone would be
interested in this little experiment (everyone around here thought we
were crazy), it'd be you fine folks.

Anyone got any klava stories? It's hard for me to believe no one else
has tried this.

- Eugene (and Ben)