[Dragaera] Is less more Paarfict?

[Davdi Silverrock]

Changing the location of "you perceive", and adding a "nearly".  Two
revisions this time:

Revision Mk. 26.long:

My esteemed mother and father traveled to Dragaera City for a holiday,
enjoying the city's tolerably fine meals and expensive entertainments,
but the unfortunate timing of their sojourn led to its interruption by
the riots and uprisings in the city preceding that crucial point in
our history when the conflict between the Dragon Heir Lord Adron
e'Kieron and the Phoenix Emperor Tortaalik erupted into open
rebellion, culminating in the explosion of raw amorphia that
transformed the city and its environs into the Lesser Sea of Chaos;
and while I am indeed glad that my parents had the good fortune to
escape the Disaster with their lives, they pretended that due to the
haste of their departure from the city, the only token of their
adventure they could do me the honor of presenting to me was, you
perceive, this nearly unremarkable garment of sadly cheap and common
fabric you now see before you, which is merely some sort of shirt.
 --  Two words from a certain Gentleman of the House of the Hawk.


Revision Mk. 26.short:

My esteemed parents traveled to Dragaera City for a holiday, but the
unfortunate timing of their sojourn led to its interruption by the
unrest preceding that crucial point in our history when the conflict
between Lord Adron e'Kieron and Emperor Tortaalik erupted into open
rebellion, culminating in the explosion of raw amorphia that
transformed the city and its environs into the Lesser Sea of Chaos.
While I am indeed glad that my parents escaped the Disaster, they
pretended that due to the haste of their departure from the city, the
only token of their adventure they could do me the honor of presenting
to me was, you perceive, this nearly unremarkable sort of shirt.
 --  Two words from a certain Gentleman of the House of the Hawk.


173 words vs 127 words.  Is the shorter one better?  Should more be
trimmed?  Less?  Different words trimmed?  Other changes?