[Dragaera] A Paarfict Storm

[Erzsébet of Catspirit Wood]

The phrase "said parents" seems too distant for my liking. I think "my 
beloved parents" or possibly "my noble parents" would be more 
Paarfi-esque. (But I love the bit about the luggage.)

For the ending, I propose: "of sadly cheap fabric: a common shirt." I 
think the word "common," associated as it is with "commoners," i.e. 
those not of noble standing, carries the equivalent weight of "lousy" in 
contemporary culture, but "in the form of this" detracts from the 
"punch" of the conclusion. You could replace "made" with "constructed" 
if you still want a little more fanciness in the final line.

Only my own two words, of course.

Davdi Silverrock wrote:
> Revision Mk. 29:
> 
> 
> My esteemed parents did themselves the honor of traveling to Dragaera
> City for a holiday, enjoying that city's tolerably fine meals and
> expensive entertainments.  However, the unfortunate timing of their
> visit led to its interruption by the riots and uprisings preceding
> that crucial point in our history when the conflict between Lord Adron
> e'Kieron and Emperor Tortaalik erupted into open rebellion,
> culminating in the explosion of raw amorphia that transformed the city
> and its environs into the Lesser Sea of Chaos.  While I am happy to
> report that said parents had the good fortune to escape the Disaster
> and return home safely with their luggage, they pretended that due to
> the haste of their departure from the city, the only token that they
> could provide of their adventure was this nearly unremarkable garment
> made, you perceive, of sadly cheap fabric, in the form of this common
> shirt.
>  --  Two words from a certain Gentleman of the House of the Hawk.

-- 
ErzsŽbet of Catspirit Wood
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