[Dragaera] A Paarfict Storm

[Davdi Silverrock]

Another multi-reply:

On Jan 19, 2008 5:41 PM, Diana wrote:

> A very minor note, again regarding spacing: double spaces after
> periods (or other forms of punctuation) are unnecessary unless one is
> using a typewriter font (which I sincerely hope the final product will
> not be).

A good point; I am repeating a habit learned on online fora, which
tolerably often involved 80x25 fixed-font terminal screens, or
reasonable facsimiles thereof.

On Jan 19, 2008 5:51 PM, Erzsébet of Catspirit Wood wrote:

> The phrase "said parents" seems too distant for my liking. I think "my
> beloved parents" or possibly "my noble parents" would be more
> Paarfi-esque.

I was in fact experimenting with adding distance; he is about to whine
about them, after all.  But I changed it back to "my parents" now; you
may change this to "my dear parents" or whatever if you think it works
better.

>(But I love the bit about the luggage.)

Heh.  It occurred to me to emphasize that their escape, while rapid,
was not so precipitous or desperate that they returned home
tatter-clothed and entirely empty-handed.

> For the ending, I propose: "of sadly cheap fabric: a common shirt."

Fair enough.  I have been waffling over how the ending ought to run
for too long; let's go with this, unless someone comes up with a
clearly better idea, or expresses unhappiness with the wording in no
uncertain terms.

Revision Mk. 30:


My esteemed parents did themselves the honor of traveling to Dragaera
City for a holiday, enjoying that city's tolerably fine meals and
expensive entertainments. However, the unfortunate timing of their
visit led to its interruption by the riots and uprisings preceding
that crucial point in our history when the conflict between Lord Adron
e'Kieron and Emperor Tortaalik erupted into open rebellion,
culminating in the explosion of raw amorphia that transformed the city
and its environs into the Lesser Sea of Chaos. While I am happy to
report that my parents had the good fortune to escape the Disaster and
return home safely with their luggage, they pretended that due to the
haste of their departure from the city, the only token that they could
provide of their adventure was this nearly unremarkable garment, made,
you perceive, of sadly cheap fabric: a common shirt.
 --  Two words from a certain Gentleman of the House of the Hawk.


As ever: Comments?  A clearly better idea?  Unhappiness in no uncertain terms?