[Dragaera] Onions Of The Houses

[Will Frank]

(I searched the list archives for this, because I couldn't imagine I would 
be the first person to want to extend it...and I was right, because there's 
a contribution from Felix Eisen available at 
http://dragaera.info/mailinglists/dragaera/archive/2006q2/020165.html

However, Felix's contribution is pretty scarce--only three Houses--so I 
decided to go ahead with the full list. I've folded in Felix's suggestions 
and marked them appropriately.)

So. In the beginning of _Yendi_ Vlad talks about how life is like an onion, 
and starts to go into how that analogy applies to each House. He only gets 
through four, however, before stopping. (Well, three; then he claims to 
stop, then gives the Jhereg analogy.)

I wondered: what are the other Houses' onion analogies? And then I wrote 
down my thoughts...

(Note: I've actually only read up through _Phoenix_ in the Vlad novels. 
However, I took a lot of the information on each House's essential nature, 
especially regarding how they reign, from the "Lyorn Records" wiki, so I 
have to assume I have captured, to the best knowledge of the collective 
readership of Steven Brust to date, the fundamental natures of the Houses.)

Here, then, is my list of the Onions of the Houses, with the information 
supplied by Brust (and Felix) marked:

Phoenix: Start out eating the best onions, with no bad spots. By the end, 
almost all of them end up eating onions which have gone rotten through and 
through. Except once in a while, where a Phoenix will stop eating onions 
when he sees they've all gone bad. (Mine)

A Phoenix would find a bad spot and cut it out, until much later in life -- 
when all they want are bad spots. (Felix)

Dragon: Good at catching bad spots, but they tend to throw out the whole 
barrel. (Brust)

Lyorn: Know and have recorded the conditions of virtually every onion grown, 
and every way to prepare them, dating from the founding of the Empire.

Tiassa: Plan elaborate meals, but don't really thoroughly check for bad 
spots. Good at dealing with bad spots they find later, though.

Hawk: Notice the bad spots, but don't say anything. When you spit it out, 
they'll nod and, if you ask why they didn't say something sooner, will say, 
with surprise, "You didn't ask." (Brust)

Dzur: See themselves as pantry chefs cutting out bad spots, but can't tell 
good from bad. (Brust)

Issola: Make elaborate onion dishes which mask the bad spots.

Tsalmoth: Spend almost all their time looking for bad spots, forgetting to 
actually cook a meal.

Vallista: Throw out the old onions and bring in a new, fresh barrel.

Jhereg: Sell onions. (Brust) If they're bad, that's the buyer's problem. (My 
addition, but I think this is Brust's intent.)

Iorich: Make sure that only good onions, without bad spots, get sold.

Chreotha: Use onions as bait to trap others.

Yendi: Use every bad spot to their advantage, but you won't be sure how--or 
where the bad spots are. (Mine)

A Yendi will find a bad spot, have their staff cook and serve the meal, but 
somehow the person they want to insult is the one who bites into the bad 
spot. (Felix)

Orca: Very good at selling onions--by practically bullying buyers.

Teckla: The ones who actually grow the onions.

Jhegaala: Have a different barrel of onions every time you see them, so 
you're never sure whether they're good or bad. (Mine)

A Jhegaala might find a bad spot, they might not -- but you wouldn't be able 
to tell from eating the food whether there was a bad spot or not. (Felix)

Athyra: Look for new onion dishes and varieties to expand their repertoire.

-- 
Will "scifantasy" Frank - wmfrank at stwing.org
A new koan:
        If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you.
        If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you.
It is an ice cream koan.