[Dragaera] Giddy T-shirt par-ergon

[Jerry Friedman]

--- Bryan Newell <bryann at bryann.net> wrote:
...

> How about:
> 
> Our honored parents, having not yet reached their three thousandth year,
> and
> seeking diversion from their diminishing duties and mounting cares,
> sojourned at some expense in Dragaera City at just that cusp in history
> when
> the conflict between the Emperor Tortaalik I and Lord Adron e'Kieron,
> the
> Dragon Heir, erupted into open rebellion, culminating in the storied*
> transformation of the former capital of the Empire into the Lesser Sea
> of
> Chaos, and, while we are grateful that they escaped the Disaster with
> their
> lives, we are nonetheless disappointed to have received as memento of
> the
> doomed city nothing more than this simple garment that you see before
> you,
> fashioned, as it were, of a cheap, lightweight fabric with truncated
> sleeves
> and collar.
>   --  Paarfi of Roundwood
>       a suitably Dragaeran date
>       maybe his seal (if someone can come up with one)
> (in finer print)
> * most prominently by Paarfi himself

Okay, here's my last submission for Davdi's consideration:

My honored parents, in search of diversion from their diminishing
duties and mounting cares, sojourned at no small expense in
Dragaera City at just that cusp in history when the conflict
between Emperor Tortaalik and Lord Adron e'Kieron, the Dragon
Heir, erupted into open rebellion, culminating in the
transformation of the city into the Lesser Sea of Chaos, and,
while grateful, indeed, that they escaped the Disaster with their
lives, I was disappointed to receive as a memento of the journey
only this simple garment that you see, of cheap, lightweight
fabric with truncated sleeves and collar--a mere shirt.

(New features: "no small", Philip's dead-on "diminishing" and
"mounting".)

If I may be permitted direct commentary on other suggestions, I
think Paarfi says "as it were" only when there's something
colloquial or innovative or otherwise odd about his expression.
Also I think he says "chanced" mostly when chance is involved,
and I don't think we need "transpired" at all.  (In addition, I
suspect Paarfi prefers the older sense of "came to light, was
revealed".  I admit that "transpired" in the even older sense
goes nicely with shirts, though.)  And I like starting with "my"
and ending with "shirt".

On first-person pronouns, I admit that Paarfi says "we", but
starting with "Our" (even "Our parents--that is, those of the
wearer of this shirt--") strikes me as odd.  So Davdi has his
decision to make.

If, as Chica says, any version is too long, it can be trimmed, or
considerable fat can be removed, if the reader will do us the
honor of choosing between two metaphors, both of which, we humbly
suggest, are apposite to the subject of the upper undergarments
worn by many in this strange world.

> > Maybe toss in "Phoenix" too for the "hmm" factor.
> 
> ?

I think he means saying something like "the Phoenix Emperor
Tortaalik" to make it even more puzzling.  In my opinion it's
puzzling enough, and no one (or few people) who'd be puzzled will
study the whole text.  People will say either "What the...?" or
"Cool!  A Paarfi shirt!"

Jerry Friedman



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